It is all about me!

Rejection. I have not learnt to face it. I do live with rejection. I sulk, feel like a hundred knives have been pierced into me,go through a phase of rhetorical questions, and ultimately philosophize. That, is how I live with it. How I face the people who reject me is a whole other issue. I don't. I cut them out of my life, or simply myself out of theirs. The rejection that really affects me is the one that comes from the opposite sex. I was born into a quasi liberal family. By that I mean, we as children were taught to think for ourselves and question, but we were still told how one is supposed to behave when it came to the opposite sex. Women are not supposed to put themselves out as objects of affection, if they happened to be in a situation like that, one bows out gracefully. So, armed with this, I entered the world of being a woman. My instincts for sex were well honed even before i knew where and how they can be used. That left me like an archer with a quiver full of arrows and no bow! And then,food in my home has been an entity. It was present in our lives like a powerful spiritual force. We ate like we were in a trance I mean we ate well, and we ate a LOT! This led to weighty issues. My sister was fat, my brother avoided eating so he would not become fat, my parents were fat, and I became fat! Fat! It did not make me very pleasing to the other. It did not make me pleasing to me even. I desired many men right from an early age. What i got in return was, Nothing! I never overtly ventured into flirting, or even tried to. I was still armed with my mother's philosophy. So effectively, I sat back and salivated at all those hunky hunks and never once got noticed. Then came a time I lost all my weight and some others like my parents.They died. My sis got married and left home and so did my brother. Now what I had was freedom like never before and a body that was beautiful. Well not really, this is relative to what i had. So I started my tryst with men at the ripe age of 28!!! (to be continued)